Yup! I Deleted Social Media!

Fuck it!

A few weeks ago to deleted my Facebook and Instagram. 

I can not tell you how stressed out I was trying to get interactions from 'Friends' online. 
There is something about social media that makes me sick. 
I genuinely enjoy the company of people but the internet has groomed this anti-social, flakey, insecure side into everyone who uses it. 
It disgusts me. 
I've become so lonely over the past five years. 
I miss having friends in my real time life instead of always looking for them to like or comment on my posts. 

I've gone back and forth with the social media monster but this time I am completely off it. 
When it all boils down, I've been starting my business for many years but social media has brought me fewer real life clients and has cut off all in person friendships. 
I became so jaded and sad, all I wanted was to be alone. 
I partly blame a recent friend divorce. 
I lived with a person for multiple years who completely played me for a fool. 
I thought to myself holy shit even friendships are deeply psychological. 
I thought it was just romantic relationships that cut deep but losing this friend still bothers me and I am still confused by it. 
I will never understand. 
But there are some people who I can not keep around me. 
There are certain things I will never allow myself to do, like bring my energy down to their low frequency. 

Communication has continued to be a major aspect of a healthy mentality. What I went through was so painful. I did not post publicly about it while it unfolded. I felt like my soul was rotting inside of me. It seems if you don't post about your experiences online that no one ever asks if you are okay. Even when you tell people about it, we are so accepting of abuse that it gets brushed off like it's nothing. There's this public perception that I'm strong as shit and I am, but even strong people need to be comforted to release intense pain or betrayal. This has caused me to think about relationships and what they are. It caused me to yet again question every person who I've kept around me. It takes a lot to become friends with people but friendships are very important to me. Who can you be yourself around, no censors?

Losing a friend made me realize my trust issues go far beyond what I thought. How closed off am I? What do I use social media to hide from that I need to work on? It feels like I can't trust anyone. I figured if I hunker down and focus on my career that my real friends will show up in my messages or text asking how I am or want to get together. 

It feels like everyone forgot about me.
I felt invisible.

Does anyone else feel this way?
Like they've been forgotten and people don't care about them anymore?

It's not true! What I discovered by deleting my social media is that your real friends will become apparent over time. Most of my real friends live far away. That's why II am often traveling. I prioritize making my way to see friends who live far from me! This is something I was having such a hard time seeing through the facade of social media. Some how it began running my mind all the time. It's exhausting. 

I am a very social person.
I used to go out and dance, laugh and have a good time. 
People used to come over and make art with me.
I used to go over to peoples places and make art with them!

I feel like ever since I started talking about my personal experience with sexual assault, sexism and discussing nudity that people put me into a category of people. A category that gets put into a box and lost in the basement. My goal was to start a conversation, not isolate myself. 

Social Media made me realize how fake a lot of people are but it also showed me how hard people have to work for the bare minimum of necessities. 
In this country there is a system in place that limits our abilities based on the amount of money we make. 
How fucked up is that?
You can see it manifest on places like social media where we internalize our value based on the amount of likes, friends, follows, or interactions we have.
Fuck that.
I don't believe in a life like that. 
I don't recommend it. 

I believe all of our lives are sacred. 
I believe everyone has a valuable experience and perspective. 
Do not base your life value on social media. 
It is curated to perpetuate mental illness and negativity.
It is full of lies and false realities.

What I realized about social media is it runs people's minds. Many people don't even know it. People allow their minds to be run by these mechanisms that bring us down, distract us, and isolate us from not only the world but from taking a deeper look at ourselves. WHY?  I see folks scrolling and scrolling looking for nothing in general but being told who to be and what to do subliminally. Deprogram yourself. Have an original to your mind thought. Turn your phone and computer off. Read a book. Talk to some one. 

Turn your shallow ego off.

Our limited interpersonal interactions are what divide us in this country. We decide in our minds that something is true because some one wrote a fake article about it and you read the headline. We can not come together and break down the racist, sexist, homophobic, insecure, depressive, walls we build around ourselves by staying online and being alone. We have to build a community that is very much real and stand up for what we believe in while being our authentic selves. We have to become stronger and speak more! TYPE LESS ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND SPEAK MORE IN PERSON. 

You learn from being uncomfortable. By sharing your thoughts and experiences with the people around you a relationship has the possibility of forming that creates memories and laughter. 

Social Media used to be a place where I expressed myself and showed a little bit of my day to day life. Then some how it became a place where I tried to show my artistic and creative work to people who I thought gave a shit. Eventually I had become so reclusive that social media was the only place I talked to any one and those conversations took place as my captions and it was me talking to myself because no one commented or spoke to me about anything. I never make a post for the fuck of it. I always wanted it to reflect some aspect of what I've learned through my experiences. When I showed a very vulnerable side of myself and shared something real with the world online, I became very isolated in real life. 

People are so used to scrolling they'd have no clue if there was a piece of shit in their face or a glowing gem of information. Truth is I pose nude in almost all shots captured of me. I can't physically or digitally exist in this climate because nudity is too real. Nudity is a trending topic but as far as nudity goes in real life, there are not places to exist naked outside of a sexual context, especially for women. I can not discuss the topics I think about with the public because nudity is not allowed on these platforms. I also can't post nudity on social media because the audience is such a mixed bag. There are not many insightful conversations sprouted around these topics. Most of all I felt that I had to be someone other than myself to be on them. I couldn't be myself because I was caught up in a curated world fixed by an algorithm and propagated by moderators. 

There are real issues surrounding our socialized acceptance of nudity, sexuality, and women especially on social media and in main stream media. Real issues that I can not live with. I am a woman. I am a sexual woman. I am also a HUMAN. I am also a Naked HUMAN. I want to talk about it!! I want to talk to others. Where are the people who want to talk? Who wants to have a conversation? 

I deserve respect. You deserve respect. I have a lot of experience to share with the world that can help people around the grow and gain a broader perspective. There are people surrounding me that can help with the same. It feels like I can't connect with anyone. I know that I've got something very valuable to share with you and the world about how to come together as a community and accept ourselves as we are. I want to learn more about the world and its people through thoughtful conversation. I want to ask people questions. 

Social media has not worked for me so I can not keep doing it. 
Not the same way at least.
I kept asking myself 'if it's not working why keep doing it?'
My sales have dropped. 
I want my jewelry to be worn by many people across the world. 
I want to photograph people across the world. 
I will not exist in a captive market.
My designs are beyond the toxic mentalities groomed on social media.
If you take a deeper look into the machine of social media studies have found that negativity infests it. 

That being said...
If you need to contact me you know where to find me.
I will be here waiting for serious inquiries and writing new blog posts and editing videos and designing jewelry and photographing my journeys across the globe and what ever else I want to do. 
I am free.
If you want to talk drop a line.
My email is out there.
Some of you have my phone number. 
I am looking for friendships and new clients. 
If you want to be both wrapped up into one that is even better.
I can't create exclusively for myself. 
I want to make your visions a reality.
Let's work!



Popular Posts