How do you know when it’s time to move on?
I’ve been assessing my entire demeanor and the people I keep around. I do this because I want to keep growing. It’s hard to look within yourself and see yourself from the outside at the same time. All I wish to achieve is being the best me I can while giving off as much good energy as possible. If I am constantly growing and changing I won’t get stagnant. I don’t want to stay the same. My foundation is strong but there is so much more we are capable of. I don’t want to flat line at 26.
As I’ve continued to evolve most beings I considered ‘friends’ have weeded themselves out. I am alone most of the time and I am fine with that. I am focused on my craft and my profession. There isn’t time for distractions or confusion. It wasn’t hard work but it is emotionally draining. I really cared about these people but soon realized they didn’t care much about me and it is too much work to care for people who don’t even love themselves. Negativity is infectious. I don’t need any mental diseases. There is too much of that spreading around already. I want to remove from my life caring about people beyond their flaws or mistakes. Don’t get me wrong. We ALL make mistakes and I can forgive anyone who holds themselves accountable. I hold myself accountable. We live and we learn. I’ve genuinely cared for people who do not deserve my attention, love, respect or even a glance. I had to let go. It’s difficult when you think you’ve got a good friend but when you reflect on their actual attitude you’ve painted the ideas of them rose colored with optimism. I used to be desperate for friendship. Why is it so hard to not care about people who hurt us or try to bring us down? Even after being degraded by their negativity, verbal and physical abuse? What is it that gives us attachment to these people? Perhaps it is the nurturer in me or that I accept everyone can change. I don’t struggle with moving on from the past or accepting that people do change but what actually shows change of behavior? Why are there so many toxic people on planet earth?!?!
These are just a few thoughts I’ve had about the topic. It is proven that abusive relationships are addicting and most abused partners go back to their abusers. How do we break the cycle? Wisdom tells me to let people learn their own lessons. We are on our own individual journeys. This is one way I’ve been able to accept moving on from people, places and things. Change is good. There are select times and people you can give feedback to. Are we addicted to hate and negativity? Even non abusive connections or relationships need to be broken off in order for us to grow the way we want. How do we know when to distance ourselves from people? How much of our individual identities do we bury deep or shallow in our exterior connections with people? How much of our self esteem relies on the affirmation of others?
That’s why the subject of this post is knowing when it’s time to move on. This is a critical topic. We need healthy, supportive connections with honesty embedded. It’s hard to listen to feedback but it’s equally challenging to love some one enough to give feedback. This is the only way we can trust any feedback we get. I notice people giving 200-300% energy to bringing people down but won’t give themselves a fraction of the energy to grow for themselves! If we rely on other people to feel good about who we are, our actual self esteem can’t be very developed or strong. If you are dedicated to bringing people down you have to hate yourself. We radiate outwardly what we believe inwardly. Make sure you notice your negative self talk and reverse those voices quickly. If you are thinking ‘I can’t do it.’ Or ‘I want to die.’ Ask yourself why you are limiting yourself and want to give up so quickly. This is not your true self. You have internalized the domesticated human condition of self hatred. We are born to grow and shine not kill ourselves and dim our shine. There is a heart beating in your chest every moment. There are cells growing every moment. There is blood pumping every moment. Your nature is to live and your relationship with the sun, air and water is love. Your body loves being alive and your brain needs to match that. What music do you listen to? Does it make you feel good? Does it encourage your to keep going on? To love yourself? To love others? To respect your life? I made the decision not to listen to most mainstream bullshit several years ago because WE ARE WHAT WE CONSUME. You listen to drug filled music that makes you numb you will be full of the same shit you listen to. You eat fresh food, you will be fresh. You read a bunch of gossip filled trash talk? You are going to attract that energy. The law of attraction in full effect. You down on yourself and others all the time, you will attract sad ass people. We have to help one another grow but at the same time you need to protect your energy. You can’t give some one something they aren’t willing to give themselves.
Imagine a world where everyone hates themselves. That self hatred is only going to spread. If we love ourselves truly, we do not wish to reflect the negativity beamed at us. In this world it is exhausting to shine bright as you can because there are energy vampires waiting to suck the love out of you. This is how rare love is. If you can’t hear good news from another and celebrate with them, you are toxic!!! If you see some one growing, thriving, and shining, don’t go pick their flowers and leaves off. Grow your own!!! Then grow together with happiness, love and laughter. There is enough life in you to be a beautiful garden. Eventually you won’t accept anyone around you or your garden who just wants to stomp on it or dump trash. The difference is not hard to tell once you elevate yourself to growing flowers, plants and trees.
You have to be whole by yourself. This is a hard to do at first but once you get past the idea that other people make you more valuable, you won’t want to Share your energy or shine so easily. We have to know ourselves in and out in order to not be swayed one way or another by others. Build a solid foundation of self love and the bullshit will not infiltrate your garden. Getting to the point of knowing yourself enough to stand your ground without being defensive and staying open to learning something new is a balancing act but that’s what we need as a community. Confident, self loving people who respect their own ideas and values without degrading others. People willing to speak their mind regardless of popularity. Forget numbers, followers and money. You can’t judge character that way. Forget college degrees and institutionalized education. You can’t judge a persons intelligence that way. Wisdom is immeasurable and is spoken to all who pay attention. The ability to stand for the unpopular voice is bravery unknown in this popularity driven society. To show a different perspective or contribute to the group thought regardless of people agreeing is moving on. All voices are necessary.
You know it is time to move on if you feel bad when around specific people. If you notice your inner narrative saying, ugh I don’t want to see this person, assess that feeling. Don’t force yourself to be around people you KNOW you don’t really want to be around. Are you just tired or does this person suck your energy out. Do you feel bad about yourself in the presence of certain people? Think about why you feel bad. Does this person complain about everything? Are they always in a bad mood? Do they constantly shoot your ideas down or try to make you feel bad? Try to tell them how you feel about being around them without bringing them down and spend less time around them or cut them off completely. Feeling bad when they leave? Run through this same exercise. If the people you keep around you don’t nurture your garden ask if you are feeding yourself negativity. Are they feeding you negativity? Spend some time reflecting. Write in a journal.
We are natural beings so we need to grow. We need to grow. Mental growth is MAJOR. Our minds need to be nourished as much as our bodies. We hold onto Old mentalities that no longer suit us as well. The best thing about life is we can change any time we want. You can wake up and be a whole different person tomorrow. The choice is yours. Be ready to bite our tongue if you are resistant to different opinions or perspectives. We are all different and these perspectives have so much to offer us. We aren’t tied to one belief or look. Feel free to ask people what they think about religion. Ask ten people. The answers you get will astound you and open your mind up. It will provoke change and perhaps even moving on. Maybe instead of buying new things we move onto new levels of self. Maybe instead of looking for items to fill our emptiness we ask each other about live. Maybe instead of pointing fingers you ask that person a question instead. Engage in conversations that perhaps bring us closer instead of filling our perceptions with assumptions.
It is okay to let go of friends, family, and community ties. You need to spend time with yourself to know where you stand with yourself. You need to spend time with yourself to know what you think about, how you feel, who you think about and in what capacity. Take time to yourself for yourself. We may experience periods of solitude or isolation and that is okay. We live in the age of social media, television, sharing on a mass level that is distracting from our true path. Don’t escape into the distractions out of boredom. Don’t escape to the group mentality because you are afraid to be yourself. If we are distracted from our path we become confused, sad, negative because we aren’t doing what we know deep down inside we are supposed to do. When we stray from our path and become negative we attract the wrong energies into our lives. We have to be aware of the distractions. We have to choose to develop ourselves instead of giving up. There are beings who will paint a beautiful picture to capture your essence to keep you distracted from your true path. There are manipulators out here who will tell you anything to keep your around so they can feed off your energy. Steer clear! Stay focused on the goals. Make sure you are taking actions instead of always talking about what you want to do. If the people around you are always talking about their ideas but never take the initiative to bring them to life, ask yourself if you really want to keep them around you. Are they really contributing to your progress? Are you contributing to their progress? Are you contributing to your own progress?
Time and space heals all things. If we never distance ourselves from people or mentalities that give us stress we won’t be able to reflect on them with wisdom later. We have to forgive ourselves and others for hurting us. We have to accept that it takes time to change. We have to accept that people change. We have to move on and focus on what is best for our progress. The best tool you can use to move on is slowing down, distancing yourself from entities that make you feel uncertain or don’t resonate with you any more. There is no rush in this life. Take time for yourself. Make sure you are okay before you try to take care of some one else. If you are asked a question take time to really ask yourself if you want to do it. Don’t let some one push you to do something you don’t want to do or haven’t had the appropriate amount of time to consider. What is an appropriate amount of time is regulated by you and you alone. Give yourself the authority, not anyone else. You are responsible for you and only you. Be strong, stay confident and if you have any questions feel free to drop a line. These posts are general but if you have specific things you want to ask I will gladly answer with much consideration.